Love Letters #1: “The Recipe”

If you were able to cook up a recipe for love, what you include? Our flesh would probably tell you that you need that partner who constantly gives you attention, constantly dotes on you and compliments you, etc. But what does the Word of God say about love? Let’s take a look at the most famous love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13.

1 Corinthians 13  (NIV)13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

If we were to break down “the recipe” for love as it says it 1 Corinthians we would say:

LOVE…

1. is patient

2. is kind

3. is not jealous

4. is not inflated

5. is not rude

6. does not seek own interests

7. is not quick tempered

8. does not broad over injury

9. does not rejoice over wrongdoings, but rejoices in the truth

10. bears all things

11. believes all things

12. hopes all things

13. endures all things

14. never fails

Now take a look at all of those points. Are you following the Maker’s recipe for love? Or have you been making up your own recipe because you think yours tastes better than His? Hear me, no matter how good you might think your recipe is, or if its some tradition that everyone before you did, I guarantee you, nothing tastes better and is better for you than the original dish provided by this Word.

For those of you pursuing intentional relationships, I challenge you to reflect on this word over and over when it comes to how to pursue love in your relationship. I’ve heard before to place your partner’s name in each of the bullet points. _______ is kind. _______ is not quick tempered. _______ hopes all things. From this, you’re supposed to be able to see how your partner matches up with the Word of God. Before that though, you need to figure out where YOU match up. Insert your own name in each line. I am kind. I am not quick tempered. I hope all things. Now, is that true? Because if its not, then you need to be taking a look back into your own soul before you start at your partner saying “you’re not these things.” Let me remind you, change starts with you.

When you are intentional with your relationships, you are dating to be constantly choosing each other. Whether that means that you’re dating to marry, or you’re already married. This person that you’re investing in is going to be the one you spend every day with. & if you’re spending every day with the same person, you’re going to need to make sure that you’ve got the strongest relationship. Strength in relationship is clearly presented in this key scripture. If you are implementing your own name in this scripture and find that maybe you’re not enduring all things, start there. Do you think of how to run at the first sight of argument? Do you threaten to leave if your partner isn’t giving you what you need. You need to take a look back into yourself and figure out the kind of love relationship you’re growing.*

Currently, I am working on giving my best to my partner. This requires a lot of dying to myself and working on what the will of the Most High says. Recently, this has required me to only seek council from those with my similar Christian beliefs. I’ll give you an example: my partner and I are on pretty conflicting schedules, and we may not speak as much as I’d like, which can at times upset me. If I call my friend from college to discuss this, she’s most likely gonna tell me “you deserve better, leave him, he should do this, etc. etc.” However, when I’ve reached out to a friend from church, they’ve reminded me that if I’m building a Christian relationship with my partner, that I have to attend to him differently based off of what God asks me to do, not what I feel. I can’t be trusting my own heart when I know I’m most often wrong. & instead of thinking about what he “should” be doing, I reflect on what he does, and how I can appreciate that. Another example: I can choose go off on my partner when we don’t speak because I feel like he should pay me more attention, or I can choose to love him in the moments we do talk and honor his time and schedule. In these moments, what I choose reflects not only what I feel, but how I feel about him. If I look back at 1 Corinthians 13, I’m reminded love is not self seeking. In that example, it was about what I wanted. How I felt. When I sat and thought about it, if I chose to speak from a place of anger, I wouldn’t have been the reflection of love that was asked of me. & vice versa. We are together learning that God’s plan for our love lives is to reflect back on this word and use it to grow with one another and in one another.

My challenge to you is to take a look at your relationship and then take a look back at 1 Corinthians 13. Ask yourself, am I reflecting what the bible asks me of love? Do I check all these boxes? Talk with your partner and discuss what you can both improve on. Building your relationship upon the recipe that God already has for our love life will only benefit the two of you in the long run.

*Please note, I understand not all relationships look like the same, and if you are in a relationship where you find yourself in trouble or in need of help, please seek the appropriate wise council.